i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
