the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
