Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
