he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
