for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
