omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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