I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
