so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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