after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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