oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
