...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
