I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
