my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
