i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
