So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
