Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
