using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
