i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
