one might say we're banned from that church
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
