I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize