I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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