When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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