id be glad to
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
