I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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