K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Soap is not a condiment
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
