Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
