you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
