dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
