im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
