I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
