im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize