omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
