In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
