I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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