at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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