On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
