Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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