I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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