everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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