I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
