u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
