It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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