sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
