Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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