I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
