I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize