Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
