what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize