can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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