is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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