loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
