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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass

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• (914): View more from New York

  I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well now I have my semen on her headphones

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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• (619): View more from California

  I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

  (1-619): View more from California

  Very innocently.

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• (607): View more from New York

  To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (914): View more from New York

  Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Had a burrito last night in your honor

  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's the nicest thing you've ever done

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