The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
