i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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