remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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