Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
