Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
