I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We left the knife in your bed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
