i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
