I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
