hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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