what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
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He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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