At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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