I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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