god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
