theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
