i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
