guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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