dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
