How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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