i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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