I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm bleeding and have questions
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
