The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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