Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
