Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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