yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
