I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
