Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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