I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
