So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
