Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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